Spectator or Player

Hello,

Ever wondered while watching a game if you could have been playing the sport. Or you could have been dancing there, for that matter said something that another person managed to say. Thats the spectator frame of mind, wanting to be a player. Not wanting to sound too philosophical but my take is that most of takes turns at being a spectator and player through the couse of our lives. Some of us are more consistent with the roles we taken on in particular parts of our lives. Some take the lead in social issues, while some in professional. But most of us go through phases of being either.

At the moment, I think I am happy being a spectator, albeit an active one at that. For one being a spectator allows you to think about the game in a bigger picture, and lets you get perspective. In contrast to be ing a player, where you are really into the game, thinking what to do next, and what the other players are going to do next. I can quite easily claim that I thrive on being a player, being in the middle of action, taking everything thrown at me as something I need to deal with and make a score.

But being a spectator, just lets me see what as a player I could have done, and can do. It doesnt provide the thrill of being alive, but it certainly reiterates the power of thinking, of analysing and the sheer sense of comprehending oneself.

Hmm.. am sure that has been heavy enough to read. On a lighter side, none of this is actually driven by anythign in particular. Just wanted to feel normal when things seem to be abnormal. Want to rejuvenate my passion for life and the beauty it embodies. Its within grasp and yet the effort seems so huge. And not even sure if an effort will allow me to grasp it, probably need more than just an effort. Need that something extra.

The thing we call - the human spirit. that which manifests as Hope, that which rises as curiosity, that which occurs as determination. Extra could never be enough and so it remains suspended between our will and experience. And so long as we try, it shall be ours to name.

so much for a musings of a quiet evening.

cheers,
satish

Home sweet Home

Guten Abend,

Have no excuses for taking a while again to write except that I really have been lazy, without much regret. Was home for the last two weeks, and frankly just enjoyed being a lazy bum at home – although I managed to be active at eating.

Had a fantastic trip home this time, albeit it had some surprising events in store for me. It had been a while since I was surprised by anything, so that part was good. The surprise itself (alas, I really cant share it with you at the moment) I am still dwelling upon. Anyways, back on to track, the important event of the trip was the function. Calling it “Shashti abthapoorthi”, or completion of 60 years referring to my dad’s 60th birthday. However, the event was definitely more than just a birthday, since we also had a re-marriage ceremony for my mom and dad. I have always been fascinated by festivals and celebrations, and this one just went to add to the allure. For me, what added to the charm was that I was there with mom and dad to celebrate their married life and all of my life. Never been so much of an emotional person, but this is the closest I got to being emotional after my sister’s wedding.

There was lot more that I observed and realised as I lazed around at home. For one, was completely comfortable staying put at home, unlike a lot of the other times, when I have wanted to be out, meeting people, watching movies or just checking out developments in the city. Guess, had some quality time (a function of quantity of time as well) to spend with my folks. Other than that, I really was enjoying being at home, doing simple things and being taken care of. Also the fact that, I had a perception of having come of age, meaning that, I had become a true adult in the sense of holding independent responsibility of myself.

Its funny that in so much that we want to discover new things and adventures, we find solace and satisfaction in old things. Be it sitting in the chair in your room, where you spent many lazy afternoons chatting away with friends or having that favourite food of yours made perfectly so by your mother. If I would like to keep doing that, my answer would probably be no, and I guess that’s what defines and gives meaning the beautiful experience of nostalgia.

Here is a cheers just for all those wonderful people I have been with for the wonderful times we have shared, enjoyed and continue to remember. And also wish everyone of you a lot of happiness and joy wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

Till later,
Adios!
Satish